Social Security for Couples (and Ex-Spouses): The Benefits You Might Not Know About
Comedian Bill Burr has a bit about what he calls the “drop dead years” — men between 49 and 61 who might suddenly die for any reason. I’m 54. I’m in those years.
I know exactly what to do if Karen predeceases me — I figured out the Social Security system when my dad passed and I had to navigate it for my mom. But here’s something embarrassing to admit: I’ve never talked to Karen about what happens if I go first.
This post is me fixing that. And if you haven’t had this conversation with your spouse, consider this your nudge.
Social Security isn’t an individual decision — it’s a household decision. Plan it like one. Yet most couples make their claiming choices independently. The higher earner claims when it’s convenient. The lower earner does the same. Nobody thinks about what happens after one of them dies.
That’s the mistake. When one spouse dies, the survivor doesn’t keep both checks. They get ONE — the higher of the two. The other benefit disappears completely.
Survivor benefits are based on what the deceased spouse was receiving (or entitled to), so claiming early can permanently shrink the survivor check. If you’re the higher earner and you claimed early, you’ve locked your surviving spouse into a smaller benefit for the rest of their life.
The survivor benefit reality. Tom earned more throughout his career. His benefit at full retirement age (67) is $2,500/month. Sandra’s is $1,200/month. While both are alive, they collect $3,700/month combined.
When Tom dies, Sandra gets the higher check — $2,500 — and loses her $1,200 completely. Their household income drops 32%. But housing, utilities, and insurance don’t drop proportionally.
Now imagine Tom had claimed at 62 instead. His reduced benefit: $1,750/month. Sandra’s survivor benefit: also $1,750. That’s $750/month less than it could have been — for the rest of her life. Over 20 years, that’s $180,000 she doesn’t have.
The higher earner should generally delay. The higher earner’s benefit becomes the floor for whoever lives longest. If Tom waits until 70, his benefit grows to $3,100/month — and that’s what Sandra gets as a survivor.
Compare the scenarios: Both claim at 62, Sandra gets $1,750 as a widow. Both claim at 67, Sandra gets $2,500. Sandra claims at 62 while Tom waits until 70, Sandra gets $3,100 as a widow — $1,350/month more than the first scenario. Over 20 years, that’s $324,000.
This connects directly to my earlier post on when to take Social Security. All those timing principles apply here — but the stakes are doubled because you’re making decisions for two futures.
Spousal benefits while you’re both alive. If you didn’t work or earned significantly less than your spouse, you may be entitled to up to 50% of their benefit at full retirement age.
The key rules: you must be married at least one year and be at least 62. Your spouse must have filed for their benefits first. And you get the higher of your own benefit or the spousal benefit, not both.
Marcus’s benefit at FRA is $2,400/month. Diana’s own benefit is $800/month. Diana’s spousal benefit is 50% of Marcus’s, or $1,200/month. Diana gets $1,200 — the higher amount — not $800 plus $1,200.
Spousal benefits max out at full retirement age. Unlike your own benefit, there’s no bonus for waiting past 67. But claiming before FRA permanently reduces the spousal benefit — 32.5% at 62 versus 50% at 67.
The divorced spouse benefit most people don’t know about. If you were married for at least 10 years and are currently unmarried, you may be entitled to benefits based on your ex-spouse’s record — even if they’ve remarried, even if you haven’t spoken in decades.
The rules: the marriage must have lasted at least 10 consecutive years. You must be divorced for at least 2 years (unless your ex has already claimed). You must be currently unmarried and at least 62. Your ex must be eligible for benefits, though they don’t have to be collecting yet. If you remarry, you generally can’t claim on an ex’s record unless that later marriage ends.
What surprises people: your ex doesn’t need to know you’re claiming. Your ex doesn’t lose anything — their benefit stays exactly the same. Their current spouse isn’t affected either. This isn’t taking from anyone.
I know a woman in her late 50s who got divorced after a long marriage. She was worried about retirement — the divorce had hit her finances hard, and her own work history was spotty from years of raising kids. When she found out she was entitled to 50% of her ex-husband’s benefit — significantly more than her own — it changed her whole outlook. She had no idea this existed.
If you’re divorced and were married 10+ years, check. You may have benefits waiting.
If your ex-spouse dies. This is different from the divorced spouse benefit while they’re alive. If your ex-spouse dies and you were married 10+ years, you can claim 100% of their benefit — not 50%. You must be at least 60, currently unmarried at the time of the claim, and the marriage must have lasted at least 10 years.
Your claim doesn’t affect benefits paid to your ex’s current spouse or children. And remarrying after 60 doesn’t disqualify you.
The self-employed credits problem. Small business owners who spent years minimizing self-employment income to reduce taxes sometimes discover they haven’t accumulated enough credits to qualify. You need 40 credits — roughly 10 years of work — to be eligible for your own benefit.
If you’re short, your only option may be a spousal benefit, which maxes out at 50%.
Check your Social Security statement at ssa.gov. Know how many credits you have before you need to make decisions.
Survivor benefit details worth knowing. If you’re recently widowed or helping a parent navigate this:
The surviving spouse can collect 100% of the deceased spouse’s benefit if they wait until full retirement age. (Survivor full retirement age is 66–67 depending on birth year.) They can claim as early as 60 at a reduced rate — 71.5% at 60, scaling up to 99% just before FRA. If disabled, they can claim at 50. If caring for a child under 16 or a disabled child, they can claim at any age.
You must have been married at least 9 months, with some exceptions.
Remarrying after 60 doesn’t affect eligibility. Remarrying before 60 does — though you’d regain eligibility if that marriage ends.
A strategy that can work. The “deemed filing” rules that force you to claim both your own benefit and spousal benefit at the same time do NOT apply to survivor benefits.
This means a widow or widower can claim their own reduced benefit early, let their survivor benefit grow, and switch to the full survivor benefit at FRA. This can maximize lifetime benefits, especially if your own benefit is small but your spouse’s was substantial.
Have the conversation. Who has the higher benefit? What’s the plan for when to claim? If something happens to one of you, what does the survivor do first?
It doesn’t have to be morbid: “If something happens to me, here’s what you need to know about our Social Security.”
Common mistakes to avoid. Not understanding that you lose one check when a spouse dies. Making claiming decisions independently. The higher earner claiming early without realizing it permanently reduces the survivor benefit. Not knowing about divorced spouse benefits. Not checking your credits. Waiting too long to have the conversation.
What to do now. Check your Social Security statements — both spouses — at ssa.gov. Have the conversation about who has the higher benefit and what the plan is.
If you’re divorced: Were you married 10+ years? Are you currently unmarried? You may have benefits waiting.
If you’re recently widowed: Don’t assume anything. Call Social Security or visit your local office.
And if you haven’t read my earlier post on when to take Social Security, start there. The timing principles apply double when you’re making decisions as a couple.
This is too important an asset to mess up.
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“The Best Way to Save for Your Kids’ Education (And What Happens If They Don’t Go)” — How to help support your children and grandchildren’s eduction